How to Help a Loved One After the Loss of a Spouse - Rufus Carter
Death is inevitable, but knowing that certainly doesn’t make it any easier. After someone passes, you are not only mourning the loss of a loved one; you now have to deal with the aftermath, including funeral arrangements, accounts, and various legal obligations that you’d much rather put off until never. For seniors, this can be an area of confusion, leaving them feeling overwhelmed and unsure of what to do next.
If your senior loved one has recently lost a spouse, here are some suggestions on how to help, courtesy of Basic Counseling Skills. Your role in this process can help your loved one grieve and process their loss, instead of worrying about the details.
Make Preparations
The first step you need to take is to notify all immediate family members. Your loved one is already emotional, possibly in denial, and having to speak about the death aloud could be difficult, if not impossible. Contact family members to allow them to arrange for time off work for travel, as well as to share important information about decisions regarding funeral arrangements and burial wishes.
If your loved one didn’t leave any advanced instructions, you’ll need to sit down and consider what they would want, what is realistic, and what you can afford. The best decision will enable everyone’s heart to heal as best as it can.
Talk with your senior about what might be appropriate. Perhaps they remember their spouse mentioning a particular song they would like played or an outfit they preferred to be buried in. The funeral is the first significant action in the grieving process, so your loved one should be comfortable with all aspects of it.
If specifics were not made beforehand, here are some questions to consider:
Handle the Numbers
Set up a folder for your loved ones with all the important documents they may need such as: death certificate (at least 10 copies), insurance policies, social security numbers, marriage certificate, will, and list of assets. These documents will be necessary to file for benefits and to finalize the estate. If their spouse paid into Social Security for at least 40 quarters, your loved one is eligible to claim Social Security benefits to help with current and future expenses. For example, there is a one-time death benefit to go toward burial expenses as well as survivor’s benefits for those ages 60 and older.
If your loved one’s spouse was a veteran or currently employed, it is possible that your loved one is eligible for veteran and employee benefits as well. Any benefits will help, as there are several taxes that may have to be paid such as a federal estate tax, state death tax, inheritance tax, and income taxes. Keep in mind that every situation is different and some taxes may not apply.
While you are dealing with the financial side, don’t forget about changing ownership/title, as well as revising documents. Insurance policies, bank accounts, stocks, bonds, and credit cards should either be placed in your senior loved ones name, updated, or canceled. The executor of the estate will handle any debts owed by the deceased.
Additionally, you should consider the option of setting up a nonprofit in the name of the deceased. Online guides can help you get started, and the nonprofit has the advantage of honoring your departed loved one while also giving the bereaved something positive on which to focus their energies. They may also find that there are financial benefits that can help them enjoy retirement and their golden years with less of a monetary struggle.
Keep a Watchful Eye
According to Western Reserve Grief Services, your loved one should refrain from making any major life or financial decisions such as moving, selling their home, or quitting a job immediately after the loss of their partner. Proper grieving takes time, and your loved one needs to be in a more stable state of mind before making such large changes. Keep an eye on your loved one to ensure that they are taking care of themselves, as grief can quickly turn into something more serious, such as depression, anxiety, or addiction. If you notice any changes in your loved one such as extreme sadness, crying spells, irritability, mood changes, or unusual behavior, encourage them to speak with a doctor or let their family doctor know of the situation.
It is common for grieving individuals to want to withdraw, but that is actually the worst thing for them to do. This is not to say that being alone is bad. In fact, the bereaved should take time to process their emotions. But being social with friends, family, and loved ones can help bring them out of the depths of grief and back into feeling alive. After some time has passed, consider encouraging your loved one to reach out to old friends and even buddies from high school to help them feel connected and rebuild their social connections. It can be as simple as searching online for alumni from Tucson, Arizona and scrolling through a list of names.
The kind of resources your grieving loved finds helpful will vary depending on their beliefs, attitudes, and history. Professional services are always recommended, as mental health specialists have special training in grief. If your loved one was a spiritual person, encourage them to reach out to members of their church or organization. Many have grief support groups or mentorships that can help the grieving individual to process the meaning behind their partner’s death, and their purpose moving forward.
Death and grief are complicated, but it is important that you try to be there for your senior loved one during this time. Help them with preparations and making necessary document changes. Check in with them to ensure they are taking care of themselves, but don’t forget to watch your own health as well. Be a source of support for each other as you navigate this new season of life. And if you’d like additional resources for how to help your grieving loved one, visit Basic Counseling Skills for free resources.
Photo Credit: Pavel Danilyuk via Pexels
If your senior loved one has recently lost a spouse, here are some suggestions on how to help, courtesy of Basic Counseling Skills. Your role in this process can help your loved one grieve and process their loss, instead of worrying about the details.
Make Preparations
The first step you need to take is to notify all immediate family members. Your loved one is already emotional, possibly in denial, and having to speak about the death aloud could be difficult, if not impossible. Contact family members to allow them to arrange for time off work for travel, as well as to share important information about decisions regarding funeral arrangements and burial wishes.
If your loved one didn’t leave any advanced instructions, you’ll need to sit down and consider what they would want, what is realistic, and what you can afford. The best decision will enable everyone’s heart to heal as best as it can.
Talk with your senior about what might be appropriate. Perhaps they remember their spouse mentioning a particular song they would like played or an outfit they preferred to be buried in. The funeral is the first significant action in the grieving process, so your loved one should be comfortable with all aspects of it.
If specifics were not made beforehand, here are some questions to consider:
- Will the body be embalmed, cremated, or donated?
- If cremated, will the ashes be kept in an urn, mausoleum, or scattered?
- If buried, what type of headstone?
- Where is the burial site?
- Would your loved one prefer an open or closed casket?
- Are there religious traditions that need to be incorporated?
- Is there a charity or organization you would prefer contributions to be made to in lieu of flowers?
- Does your loved one qualify for veteran benefits?
Handle the Numbers
Set up a folder for your loved ones with all the important documents they may need such as: death certificate (at least 10 copies), insurance policies, social security numbers, marriage certificate, will, and list of assets. These documents will be necessary to file for benefits and to finalize the estate. If their spouse paid into Social Security for at least 40 quarters, your loved one is eligible to claim Social Security benefits to help with current and future expenses. For example, there is a one-time death benefit to go toward burial expenses as well as survivor’s benefits for those ages 60 and older.
If your loved one’s spouse was a veteran or currently employed, it is possible that your loved one is eligible for veteran and employee benefits as well. Any benefits will help, as there are several taxes that may have to be paid such as a federal estate tax, state death tax, inheritance tax, and income taxes. Keep in mind that every situation is different and some taxes may not apply.
While you are dealing with the financial side, don’t forget about changing ownership/title, as well as revising documents. Insurance policies, bank accounts, stocks, bonds, and credit cards should either be placed in your senior loved ones name, updated, or canceled. The executor of the estate will handle any debts owed by the deceased.
Additionally, you should consider the option of setting up a nonprofit in the name of the deceased. Online guides can help you get started, and the nonprofit has the advantage of honoring your departed loved one while also giving the bereaved something positive on which to focus their energies. They may also find that there are financial benefits that can help them enjoy retirement and their golden years with less of a monetary struggle.
Keep a Watchful Eye
According to Western Reserve Grief Services, your loved one should refrain from making any major life or financial decisions such as moving, selling their home, or quitting a job immediately after the loss of their partner. Proper grieving takes time, and your loved one needs to be in a more stable state of mind before making such large changes. Keep an eye on your loved one to ensure that they are taking care of themselves, as grief can quickly turn into something more serious, such as depression, anxiety, or addiction. If you notice any changes in your loved one such as extreme sadness, crying spells, irritability, mood changes, or unusual behavior, encourage them to speak with a doctor or let their family doctor know of the situation.
It is common for grieving individuals to want to withdraw, but that is actually the worst thing for them to do. This is not to say that being alone is bad. In fact, the bereaved should take time to process their emotions. But being social with friends, family, and loved ones can help bring them out of the depths of grief and back into feeling alive. After some time has passed, consider encouraging your loved one to reach out to old friends and even buddies from high school to help them feel connected and rebuild their social connections. It can be as simple as searching online for alumni from Tucson, Arizona and scrolling through a list of names.
The kind of resources your grieving loved finds helpful will vary depending on their beliefs, attitudes, and history. Professional services are always recommended, as mental health specialists have special training in grief. If your loved one was a spiritual person, encourage them to reach out to members of their church or organization. Many have grief support groups or mentorships that can help the grieving individual to process the meaning behind their partner’s death, and their purpose moving forward.
Death and grief are complicated, but it is important that you try to be there for your senior loved one during this time. Help them with preparations and making necessary document changes. Check in with them to ensure they are taking care of themselves, but don’t forget to watch your own health as well. Be a source of support for each other as you navigate this new season of life. And if you’d like additional resources for how to help your grieving loved one, visit Basic Counseling Skills for free resources.
Photo Credit: Pavel Danilyuk via Pexels
